Unfortunate Alternate Lives of Neville Longbottom
by paradisemomiji
Summary: Creager and I analyze the world of possibilites, figuring out what could have happened if Voldemort had chosen Neville over Harry. A mostly serious tone with a few jokes.
1. Sorcerer's Stone

_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies ..._"

Harry Potter and the Order if the Phoenix J.K. Rowling

As we all are very familiar with, Lord Voldemort decided that the half-blood contestant for the prophecy was more of a danger than his pure-blood counterpart, Neville Longbottom. My fellow author and I, **Creager**, have twisted our brains to produce the alternative results of Voldemort's different choice.

Voldemort enters the Longbottom residence on Halloween night. His parents, as stated in Rowling's series, would sacrifice themselves as the Potters had done. Now our dear friend Neville is Scarface, without the drugs and women.

Neville goes to live with his next in line, his strict grandmother. That is, unless she happened to have been the secret-keeper for the Longbottoms, in which case she would have been tortured for information. Thus is the curse of the Longbottoms. If she had been chosen as the poser secret-keeper as Sirius was in Rowling's story, then she would be imprisoned at Askaban. For storytelling purposes, we're going to go with the third option that she was visiting her grandchild, and was slaughtered by Voldemort as well.

So now we need a nice wizarding home! :D We have the only remaining family member mentioned in Rowling's series, which is Neville's uncle. This figure apparently threw Neville out a window to test if Neville was a squib. When Neville bounced, the family discovered he was indeed magical. If in our story Neville lived with this uncle, he would no doubt be pushed to extreme limits and pass away. Thus we arrive at Neville's first death. **DEAD.**__Neville's death would lead to Voldemort's return during Harry's second year at Hogwarts.

Or, another wizarding family can be selected. Most likely Dumbledore would pull from the Order, choosing a family with a boy Neville's own age. Enter the Potters! :D (Still Alive!) Neville would be treated to a lovely childhood growing up with Harry, and the pair of them would be taken to Platform 9 ¾ by Lily and James. It is also worth noting that Neville would receive Olivander's wand with the matching phoenix-core wand instead of Harry. If he was not chosen by this wand, then Neville would perish in Goblet of Fire. **DEAD.**

If by some chance Ron does not sit with Harry and Neville, fate would be totally screwed up and would cause in their eventual deaths when faced with the chess board in the Sorcerer's Stone. **DEAD. **Ron's awe of the Boy Who Lived would likely cause them to sit together, however. Especially when Harry brags that Neville is his "brother". **Creager **and I assume that Neville's toad would make a dash for it. This may or may not result in Hermione meeting the trio. This does not influence the plot too much, as she meets them during the Sorting ceremony.

And here is our Sorting Hat dilemma. Neville possesses a shard of Voldemort's soul, giving him a free pass to Slytherin. This would have the unfortunate result of Neville not being friends with Ron and Hermione, along with the absence of Harry. This means that when traveling to get the Sorcerer's Stone, Neville would fail the tests and perish. **DEAD**. Voldemort would not figure out Dumbledore's genius mirror, but would make a come-back during Harry's second year. Let us assume that Neville is strong-willed enough to get into Gryffindor. This means that the curious Harry, Ron, and Hermione accompany Neville to get the stone. Harry would be trapped with Hermione in Snape's puzzle room, allowing only Nevile to continue. That means that Neville is able to give Quirrell a big hug and save the day.


	2. Chamber of Secrets

Dobby terrorizes Neville to stay out of Hogwarts. The Potters would no doubt react to this, perhaps charming the house to keep Dobby out, or simply convincing Neville to continue with his education. (Stay in school, kids!)

Now comes the issue of school starting again. If the boys happened to be visiting their friend Ron during the summer vacation, then Dobby would close the platform to all three of them. Ron would offer his father's flying car, and they would arrive mostly safe at Hogwarts. If the Potters bring the boys to the platform, then they would have no doubt waited for their children to enter first before themselves entering. This means that Lily and James would be blocked out of the platform as well, and would have handled the situation. If the Potters for some reason did rush ahead of Neville and Potter, then they would have immediately noticed the absence of the only children they were watching. Even if the Potters managed to be particularly unobservant, Harry and Neville would have been forced to think about their actions, no doubt landing on the owl option. (It's here we note that Hedwig would not be known to the readers in this world, because she was a gift from Hagrid to Harry before his first year. Sorry, Hedwig.) There's always the fourth option that if the boys didn't think of sending a letter, that Matt Smith would pop his head out of a blue police call box and offer them a ride. No matter the option, Neville, Harry, and Ron find themselves at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and aren't expelled.

While watching one of Harry's quidditch matches, Neville is concussed by a very rogue bludger. No doubt when Lockhart tries to help him, the incompetent buffoon would kill our Chosen One. **DEAD**. If Lockhart was kept away from the injured boy, then Neville ends up in the hospital wing. There Neville hears the voice of the basilisk.

As Hermione tells us, hearing voices isn't even normal in the wizarding world. There's a chance that Neville would be too embarrassed to mention it to his friends. This would result in Ginny's death and Voldemort's return. When Voldemort returns, he would kill Neville. **DEAD. **If Neville mentions the voices to his friends, the plot would carry out as it does in Rowling's novel. Except, it's worth noting, that Neville would or would not accompany Harry and Ron on their Draco spying spree. This doesn't affect the plot too much on either side, so let us skip to the Ginny's disappearance.

If the boys had not arrived to the school by flying car, then Ron's wand is fully functional. When Lockhart snitches Ron's wand and performs a memory spell, it would work correctly and the cave would not collapse. If Lockhart had erased Neville's memory first, then the world is screwed and Voldy makes a return. Voldemort would then kill Neville, with or without his memory. **DEAD.** If Lockhart has erased Ron or Harry's memory, then the remaining two boys would get Lockhart back under control. Lockhart would be assigned babysitter to the memory-lost child (and most likely tied up). Neville and the remaining boy would continue forward.

If the boys do arrive by flying car and Ron's wand does backfire, then Lockhart and Ron are trapped on the other side of a collapsed tunnel. There's always the chance that Harry is trapped with Ron too, in which case Neville carries on alone. Fawkes would still bring the Sorting Hat, and Neville would still slay the beast. We assume that Neville would injure the journal, but would most likely use the sword of Gryffindor instead. As goblin metal absorbs things that make it stronger, this would have eradicated Riddle and revived Ginerva. If Neville had the misfortune to attack Riddle instead, he would have failed and been killed, along with Ginny. **DEAD.**

If Neville and Harry proceeded together, then Harry would compliment Dumbledore and summon Fawkes with the Sorting Hat. Neville pulls out the sword and stabs the basilisk. While Riddle brags to Neville about his return, Harry impales the journal. They defeat Voldemort and save Ginny, allowing **Creager **and me to get on with our lives.

(Two notes. First, would Ginny still be crushing on Harry or would she instead set her sights on Neville? Second, the Hogwarts plumbing has a rotting snake in it. Someone should check that out.)


	3. Prisoner of Azkaban

As we come up to the third book, Creager and I must readdress the issue of the Longbottom secret-keeper. If anyone from the Order would be selected, chances are it would be Dumbledore, who offered his services to the Potters. But considering Voldemort somehow found the Longbottom hiding place, the only conclusion is that their secret-keeper blabbed to Voldemort. No one in the Order but Wormtail would be as cowardly as to do that. For the purposes of storytelling, the Longbottoms assigned Wormtail as their secret-keeper.

With no confusion as to the secret-keeper, Peter would be imprisoned in Askaban. Unfortunately being a rat, he could easily slip away. If Pettigrew decides to go into hiding as a rat and stay out of Neville's life, then Prisoner of Askaban ends up being a very uneventful book. Hermione and any number of her male friends would, I assume, do their best to save Buckbeak, but would otherwise stay out of trouble. Neville would use more Paint than Thinner, and would be followed by two blue orbs.

Pettigrew may have escaped Askaban very shortly after being imprisoned. This would allow him time to get himself into the Weasley family to get into Hogwarts. The Weasleys had a long legend of Gryffindors, so their son of the same age as Neville would be an obvious choice for getting close to the boy. Wormtail could not approach Neville directly, for his form would be recognized by Prongs and family friend, Padfoot.

Wormtail would undoubtedly have escaped Askaban long before Neville starts school, meaning the issue with dementors would have long died down. If there was any concern by the authorities with Wormtail harming Neville, there would have been a boost in security his first year, not his third. Neville, Harry, Ron, and Hermione's third year at Hogwarts is dementor free.

**Creager **and I mention this now, but if this were to happen at all, it would have taken place in the first book. The name Peter Pettigrew would be infamous in the wizarding society for breaking out of Askaban. When Ron brings Wormtail to school for his first year, Fred and George Weasley would spot the infamous name on their Marauder's Map. Sacrificing their map, the twins would show the name to a teacher they trust, most likely McGonagall or Lupin. Either of the two would recognize an animagus, and Wormtail would be apprehended. Peter would never flee to find Voldemort, who in turn would never recruit Barty Crouch Jr. The students would be taught by the real Moody, and Voldemort would never return to flesh form. As lovely as this would be, it is unlikely that Pettigrew could not escape from McGonagall/Lupin's confinement. Thus the fourth book begins.


	4. Goblet of Fire

There was always the chance that the Triwizard tournament ended up being held at Durmstrang Institute or Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. If this were the case, then since Neville is under seventeen, he would most likely not left Hogwarts. Voldemort would have had to settle for the blood of an ordinary enemy.

Sexy David Tennant enters Neville into the Triwizard tournament. (The Doctor makes a second appearance!) Perhaps Ron did not believe Harry did not enter himself, but **Creager **and I believe that if Neville says he didn't enter, Harry and Ron would have to believe him. This avoids a great deal of high-school drama, and Ron himself tells Neville about the dragons. If Neville does not tell Cedric, then Barty Crouch Jr finds some other way of helping Neville with the egg. Neville is an altogether good person though, and would inform Cedric of the dragons.

If Neville had the misfortune of drawing the Hungarian Horntail to battle, we must report that he would fail and die. **DEAD**. Not being very gifted in the broomstick department, Neville would most likely me fatally wounded by the other three species of dragon as well. **DEAD. **If Neville and Harry asked James for advice, he would no doubt tell Neville what Sirius tried to tell Harry in Rowling's series—aim for the eyes. Hopefully Neville would survive the test and be awarded the golden egg.

Cedric would return the favor to Neville about the dragon and tip Neville about the prefect's bathroom. Since Neville would have met Moaning Myrtle, she would guide him in the correct direction to submerge the egg. If she did not, then no doubt Harry, Ron, and Hermione thinking together with Neville would result in hearing the song. Neville is very fond of herbology, and would automatically turn to gilliweed. Hermione would have taught Neville the stunning spell, so he would have made it past the grindilows and saved his 'loved one', most likely Harry. Hopefully Neville wouldn't be so gullible as Harry to wait for the other contestants, but either way would reach the surface.

Now Neville gets to enter the evil shrubbery of doom [dramatic music]! Barty Crouch Jr would mostly clear obstacles out of his way, but would have to leave the sphinx. He could chose to backtrack, but may get lost and Crouch would have to lead him another way. He could opt to solve the question, but there is a chance he could get it wrong and be mauled. **DEAD. **We assume that Neville answers correctly and moves on. Then Neville happens upon Cedric. If Neville sends up red sparks instead of actually saving him, then Cedric lives. Most likely Neville would save Cedric, and they end up grabbing the trophy together.

Neville and the revived Dark Lord are dueling. Sadly, there is always a chance that Neville authentically is killed. **DEAD. **Hopefully he does cross curses with Voldemort, and Neville watches Voldemort's wand throw up. Neville's parents or grandmother would tell Neville to release the phenomenon. It is possible that Neville would not think to summon the trophy, so there is a chance he would be hit by a spell. **DEAD. **There is also a chance Neville would not think to clutch Cedric's body before touching the trophy. This would complicate things quite a bit. There is the issue of reaction time of the crowd upon Neville's return. Without a dead body to confirm his words, things would have taken longer to kick into action. Either way, Barty Crouch Jr would go out of his way to get Neville alone and question him about the Dark Lord's revival. Dumbledore would still catch Barty Crouch Jr, and all would end as it did in Rowling's novel.


	5. Order of the Phoenix

**Hello, ya'll! I know we haven't updated in awhile, but there has been so many spontaneous combustions in our craniums because of this story that we ran out of extinguisher.**

Our skillfully executed analysis of the fifth book begins when umbrage Umbridge sends dementors after Neville for daring to be correct about the Dark Lord returning. Since Neville has never encountered the dementors before, he recieves the dementor's kiss. DEAD. If for some reason the Potters found it a good idea to teach their fifth year children advanced DADA spells such as the Patronus, then Neville would save himself and be tried before the Ministry. This would mostly go as it did for Harry in Rowling's book, so it isn't necessary to touch on. Most likely Neville would be saved by his parents or any of his neighbors, considering he lives in Godric's Hollow.

Next is the Order of the Phoenix. In Rowling's version, the Weasley's stay at Grimald Place over the summer. Because of this, there is reason to believe that the Potters would have done the same, had they still been alive. Then there would be the interesting situation of Snape popping in and out of a house that both Lily and James were staying in. As fun as that would be to write about, we believe that since Neville never had a trial, the Potters would stay in Godric's Hollow. Neville's scar powers allow Voldemort to reversely read Neville's thoughts, and it isn't good to give your enemy a tour of your hide out.

Either way, Neville and Dumbledore receive bad press and the gang goes to Hogwarts, where Neville sees Nagini attack Mr. Weasley. Dumbledore orders Neville to take occlumency lessons. If Snape hates Neville as much as he does Harry, or Neville is just as intimidated by the Potion's Master as he is in Rowling's story, then Neville would continue allowing Voldemort to invade his vital regions. If Snape and Neville are on reasonable terms, then Neville gains Brain Block! and triumphant video game music plays.

Umbridge becomes Queen Sucks-a-lot of Hogwarts, so Hermione starts the DA. There are three possible teaching arrangements for this. One is that Neville becomes teacher because of Chosen One Physics. This most likely wouldn't turn out so well, so we'll move to Harry teaching. Harry is the son of Prongs, so possesses a natural affinity for defensive spells, along with the brash Gryffindor qualities needed to teach students older than you. We as the omniscient authors know that the best set-up would be Hermione, Harry, Neville, and Ron pulling a co-teach type of thing, with the first two leading.

Welcome to the occult world of dreams and prophecies. If Neville was pwnsome and learned occulmency, he would not get the first-class mail that Voldemort sent him via brain waves. This could result in three different scenarios. One is that Voldemort never gets hold of the prophecy. Two is that Voldemort moves his lazy ass and goes to the Ministry himself to get it. The third is that Voldemort somehow gets Harry to get the swirly orb, because in theory, the prophecy was about Harry too.

Those three things could still happen even if Neville wasn't pwsome, as long as he heeded Hermione's warning or got in contact with whoever was featured in the dream. Let us assume that he didn't so that the crew goes to the Ministry.

In the Death Eater fight that follows, there is a possibility that Neville gets hit by a stray curse. DEAD. Of course, someone else could always die. Perhaps Sirius or one of the other Order members fall through the Curtain of Doom. Or maybe, "just this once, everybody lives".

Unfortunately this is the real world (or at least the important one) and people die. So we have the Death Eater who killed whoever-died, and he/she just noticed what shit he/she is in. So he/she runs for it. The precipitate Gryffindor Harry would likely run after mentioned Death Eater, and Neville the concerned brother would follow. If this happened, Voldemort might make a comment about Harry being the almost-Chosen-One/brother of Neville and kill him off. (Or Lily, who had followed them, would jump in front of the curse and there would be The Boys Who Lived, and **Creager **and I would turn the rest of this into a fluffy, confusing, and stupid crack fic.)

There is a better chance of an Order adult following Harry after the Death Eater instead of Neville, or that no one could disengage themselves from the fighting to stalk the murderer. Or the slim chance that all the protagonists remember that they have brains and don't go after the wizard who just proved his or herself capable of killing.

We're going to assume that Neville continues after the Death Eater alone, and he meets Voldemort. In Rowling's book, Dumbledore shows up to save Harry from the big scawy snake man. **Creager **and I are rebels, and will explore the possibility of Dumbledore not showing up. Let's all admit it: Neville would die. DEAD. But perhaps Voldemort would make the same mistake twice and there would be a repeat of the wizard lightning battle in Goblet.

We conclude this adventure into Order of the Phoenix by assuring you that Dumbledore is win enough to be timely and would save poor Neville from that lurid, noseless mask.

**We (almost humbly) encourage comments. This is going to strange, but ParadiseMomiji likes hearing about mistakes. **_Uh... Paradise, you forgot a word in that sentence...___**(I honestly didn't even try that, either…) ****Two heads is better than one, but we aren't (quite) miracle workers. We miss things. Like the possibility of Neville not getting the phoenix feather-core wand and dying in the graveyard. So let us know: we like input, and it'll show that you can think for yourself and aren't just a mindless cult-zombie. **_I'm a mindless cult-zombie _


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